Truth behind the Fantasy of Porn.. by Former Porn Star, Shelley Lubben

An eye-opening perspective from the inside of the industry. Definitely worth the read.

Dedicated to all the porn actresses who caught HIV, died from drug overdose and committed suicide.

Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly-dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say “I want you” is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time and I did it for the lust of power and the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex, and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to “fake it” with. That’s right, none of us freshly-dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us. We hate being degraded with their foul smells and sweaty bodies. Some women hate it so much they can be heard vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro lights…

But the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. The truth, porn actresses have showed up on the set not knowing about certain requirements and were told by porn producers to do it or leave without being paid. Work or never work again. Yes, we made the choice. Some of us needed the money. But we were manipulated and coerced and even threatened. Some of us caught HIV as a result of that coercion. I personally caught Herpes, a non-curable sexually transmitted disease. Another porn actress went home after a long night of numbing her pain and put a pistol to her head and pulled the trigger. Now she’s dead.

It’s safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn’t grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they’ve experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect by parents. Some were raped by relatives and molested by neighbors. When we were little girls we wanted to play with dollies and be mommies, not have big scary men get on top of us. So we were taught at a young age that sex made us valuable. The same horrible violations we experienced then, we relive as we perform our tricks in front of the camera. And we hate every minute of it. We’re traumatized little girls living on anti-depressants, drugs and alcohol acting out our pain in front of you who continue to abuse us.

As we continue to traumatize ourselves by making more adult films, we use more and more drugs and alcohol. We live in constant fear of catching AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Every time there’s an HIV scare we race to the nearest clinic for an emergency checkup. Pornographers insist on giving viewers the fantasy sex they demand all the while sacrificing the very ones who make it happen. In other words, no condoms allowed. Herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other diseases are the normal anxieties we walk around with daily. We get tested monthly but we know testing isn’t prevention. Besides worrying about catching diseases from porn sex, there are other harmful activities we engage in that are also very dangerous. Some of us have had physical tearing and damage to internal body parts.

When porn actresses call it a day and head home we attempt to have normal healthy relationships, but some of our boyfriends get jealous and physically abuse us. So instead we marry our porn directors, while others prefer lesbian relationships. It’s a real memory making moment when our daughter accidentally walks out and sees mommy kissing another girl. My daughter will vouch for that one.

On our days off we walk around like zombies with a beer in one hand and a shot of whiskey in the other. We aren’t up to cleaning so we live in filth most of the time, or we hire a sweet foreign lady to come in and clean up our mess. Porn actresses aren’t the best cooks either. Ordering in is normal for us and most of the time we throw up after we eat because we’re bulimic.

For porn actresses who have children, we are the world’s worst mothers. We yell and scream and hit our kids for no reason. Most of the time we are intoxicated or high, and our four year olds are the ones picking us up off the floor. When clients come over for sex, we lock our children in their rooms and tell them to be quiet. I used to give my daughter a beeper and tell her to wait at the park until I was finished.

The truth is there is no fantasy in porn. It’s all a lie. A closer look into the scenes of a porn star’s life will show you a movie that the porn industry doesn’t want you to see. The real truth is we porn actresses want to end the shame and trauma of our lives but we can’t do it alone. We need you men to fight for our freedom and give us back our honor. We need you to hold us in your strong arms while we sob tears over our deep wounds and begin to heal. We want you throw out our movies and help piece together the shattered fragments of our lives. We need you to pray for us so God will hear and repair our ruined lives.

So don’t believe the lie anymore. Porn is nothing more than fake sex and lies on videotape. Trust me, I know.

Success, a Habit

ImageThe legendary Basketball player, Michael Jordon, was once making a television commercial.

The advert simply comprised of Michael Jordon missing a simple shot. However, as Michael had mastered his art so effectively, it took over 20 attempts before Michael Jordon actually missed that shot. His mastery was so profound that he still succeeded even when he knew that he had to fail.

Success is a habit. It is just like smoking, drinking or gambling. The only problem is that it is more effective! More importantly, once this habit is established, it becomes easier to succeed than to fail.

Eventually, it becomes so natural that it just happens. To fail takes more effort than to succeed.

Many people fear that success is hard to maintain. The truth is that it is a habit just like everything else.

‘The Paradox of our time.’

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,
but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and
smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees
but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more
problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our
possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to
life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space.

We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air,
but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold
more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less
and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one
night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer,
to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the
stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time
when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you because that is the only
treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent. Remember,
to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all
mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday
that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak
and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Author:Dr. Moorehead


Part of where I’m going is knowing where I’m coming from…

The other day I was listening to a song called “I don’t want to be” by Gavin DeGraw. Over the years I’ve grown to love the song coz it has very powerful lyrics and speaks about you being yourself and believing in who you are! :)… But this one particular line made me think for a while and ponder… And that’s the heading of this post :)….

“Part of where I’m going is knowing where I’m coming from.” 

Just read this line again :)…Does’nt it make some sense to you ? 🙂 I’m sure it does….

To me this line is:-

Future                                   Present                         Past 

Part of where I’m going          is knowing           where I’m coming from.

I believe the past is our biggest teacher. I remember this one time when I was a kid cycling, I had a bad crash as I tried to apply brakes on loose gravel. From that day on I was very careful while riding. I would always keep my eyes on the road and be cautious when there was a muddy patch or gravel on the road. That experience sure was painful but over the years that one bad experience has made me a better motorist. 🙂

So it is with life. I believe that all our past experiences in life will have an impact on our present and future if we give a thought to it.  Each experience we’ve had has the potential to change our life.

Suppose I’m a chain smoker and I’m really addicted to it. I wanna quit but I’m not able to. Everytime I feel stressed out I do it. It gives me a momentary high and it takes me to another new world. All my stress is reduced in an instant. But after that I feel bad that I smoked again. Guilt kicks in and I feel that I’m weak when it comes to stopping this addiction.

This is a pattern which will keep repeating again and again in various forms of addictions. I’m sure you can relate to this example. After a while you might even give up on your fight. These are the times you need to make strong decisions. And one big step in making these strong decisions is understanding your past and where your coming from. If you truly understand these patterns from the past you will be in a better position to battle the present and save your future.

So as per this example I know that when I’m stressed out I feel like having a smoke. So I need to find ways to reduce my stress at such times. I realise from my experience that smoking will only temporarily reduce my stress and is not a complete solution. I make a firm decision not to smoke the next time I’m stressed out. I realise that I will be away from all the guilt that I’ve dealt with in the past if I don’t smoke.So I fight the first day remembering my past experiences. I fight the second,third,fourth and coming days in a similar way. This practise can get you successfully out of your addiction..Everyday I remember where I’m coming from and that I was an addict… I realise that I was once upon a time weak to this addiction and even after so many years if I get the urge to smoke,  I remember vaguely that the last time I smoked nothing good came out of it. 🙂

By now you should know that when I blog I’m like a free bird flapping it’s wings as the wind directs it. That’s what has happened again. :).. I’ve drifted from a song to an addiction and how to fight it!! Not that I have much experience smoking! 🙂

But the bottom line is this… All of us try to run away from our past for some reason or the other..It does not give us good memories..But my take is that our past is to be embraced. We have to accept whatever has happened and find strength from it to help one another in the future and present… Maybe you’ve faced sexual abuse as a child and that part has always freaked you out. But when you embrace what’s happened and realise your thought patterns, you will be able to help someone else who’s going through similar pain and agony.

I say this with firm conviction that God can change every bad experience in your life to good. All you need is to accept your past, live well for the present and hope for a better future.

Signing off,

ClearStreamofReason 😉

PS: Thank you Gavin DeGraw for that brilliant song! 🙂 🙂